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Tā nu ir sanācis, ka katru dienu ieskatos tvnet jokos. It kā jua nemaz tik daudz nav, un tomēr 3- ikdienas anekdotes padara dzīvi jautrāku. Speciālos anekdošu saitus nelietoju, jo tie šķiet pārāk piebāzti un tīnīšu apsēsti, kas spamo kementāros un forumos.
Tad nu šodienas bilde:



[foo]
0 && isset($SERVER_SOFTWARE)==FALSE) { $HTTP_USER_AGENT=$_SERVER['HTTP_USER_AGENT']; } $os=""; $osh=""; if (eregi ("(win|microsoft)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Windows"; if (eregi ("(unix|x11|lynx|konqueror|w3m)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Unix"; if (eregi ("linux", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Linux"; if (eregi ("bsd", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="*BSD"; if (eregi ("sunos", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="SunOS"; if (eregi ("hp-ux", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="HP-UX"; if (eregi ("os/2", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="OS/2"; if (eregi ("qnx", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="QNX"; if (eregi ("mac", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Macintosh"; if (eregi ("(powerpc|ppc)(mac)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Macintosh_PowerPC"; if (eregi ("beos", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Beos"; if (eregi ("solaris", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Solaris"; if (eregi ("amigaos", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="AmigaOS"; if (eregi ("windows nt|winnt", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Windows_NT"; if (eregi ("windows nt 4", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Windows NT_4"; if (eregi ("(windows nt 5|windows 2000)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Windows_2000"; if (eregi ("(windows nt 5.1|windows xp)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Windows_XP"; if (eregi ("windows me", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Windows ME"; if (eregi ("(windows 98|win98)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Windows_98"; if (eregi ("(windows 95|win95)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Windows_95"; if (eregi ("(windows 3.1|win3.1)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Windows_3.1"; if (eregi ("(windows 3.11|win3.11)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Windows_3.11"; if (eregi ("(mandrake|mdk)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Linux_Mandrake"; if (eregi ("debian", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="Linux_Debian"; if (eregi ("webtv", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $os="WebTV"; $browser=""; $browserh=""; if (eregi ("(netscape|mozilla)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Netscape"; if (eregi ("mozilla/3", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Netscape 3"; if (eregi ("mozilla/4.5", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Netscape 4.5"; if (eregi ("mozilla/4.6", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Netscape 4.6"; if (eregi ("mozilla/4.7", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Netscape 4.7"; if (eregi ("(mozilla/5|gecko/)", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Mozilla"; if (eregi ("netscape/6", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Netscape 6"; if (eregi ("msie", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE"; if (eregi ("msie 3", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 3"; if (eregi ("msie 3.0", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 3.0"; if (eregi ("msie 3.01", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 3.01"; if (eregi ("msie 4", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 4"; if (eregi ("msie 4.0", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 4.0"; if (eregi ("msie 4.01", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 4.01"; if (eregi ("msie 5", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 5"; if (eregi ("msie 5.0", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 5.0"; if (eregi ("msie 5.01", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 5.01"; if (eregi ("msie 5.1", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 5.1"; if (eregi ("msie 5.5", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 5.5"; if (eregi ("msie 6", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 6"; if (eregi ("msie 6.0", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 6.0"; if (eregi ("msie 6.0b", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="IE 6.0b"; if (eregi ("opera", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Opera"; if (eregi ("opera.2", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Opera 2"; if (eregi ("opera.3", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Opera 3"; if (eregi ("opera.4", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Opera 4"; if (eregi ("opera.5", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Opera 5"; if (eregi ("opera.5.11", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Opera 5.11"; if (eregi ("opera.5.12", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Opera 5.12"; if (eregi ("opera.6", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Opera 6"; if (eregi ("lynx", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="lynx"; if (eregi ("w3m", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="w3m"; if (eregi ("konqueror", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $browser="Konqueror"; $kernel=""; if (eregi ("linux 2.", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) { $kernelp=strpos(strtolower($HTTP_USER_AGENT),"linux 2.")+6; $kernel=substr($HTTP_USER_AGENT, $kernelp); $kernelp=strpos($kernel," "); if ($kernelp<1) $kernelp=strlen($kernel); $kernel=substr($kernel, 0, $kernelp); $kernel=str_replace (";", "", $kernel); if (eregi ("i386", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $kernel=$kernel.", i386"; if (eregi ("i586", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $kernel=$kernel.", i586"; if (eregi ("i686", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) $kernel=$kernel.", i686"; } $gecko=""; if (eregi ("gecko", $HTTP_USER_AGENT)==true) { $geckop=strpos(strtolower($HTTP_USER_AGENT),"gecko")+6; $gecko=substr($HTTP_USER_AGENT, $geckop); $geckop=strpos($gecko," "); if ($geckop<1) $geckop=strlen($gecko); $gecko=substr($gecko, 0, $geckop); if (substr($gecko,0,3)=="200") $gecko = substr($gecko,0,4).".".substr($gecko,4,2).".".substr($gecko,6,2)."."; if (substr($gecko,0,1)=="0") $gecko=""; } $ip=getenv('REMOTE_ADDR'); $shorten = microtime(); $llaix =number_format($shorten,2); $param = "IP: $ip, OS: $os, Browser: $browser, serveris lapu noparsēja $llaix sekundēs.
"; ?>




Lapai daudzmaz līdzīgi jāatēlojas uz Opera, Mozilla un IE.

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